Beautiful Monsters

Beautiful Monsters
Beautiful Monsters

Monday, August 13, 2012

Taking Time


That is a funny phrase, “taking time”.   It gives the impression that we can put it in our pockets, store it away, keep it for ourselves or give it back.  So much, recently, is impacting the way I see this.  Time isn’t something I can catch up on, waste, lose, or store.
I think the reason I never have enough time, is because time isn’t something I have.  And I can’t make the time, mostly because I am NOT the Almighty God (hold your applause and sighs of relief), so I don’t have anything to make time out of.
It’s here.  And now.  And not even mine.  My time doesn’t belong to me.  If it did, I could tell it what to do.  And, after, well – quite a few – years, I have finally learned that time is like sleep, and chickens.  The more I try to control it and force it to my needs, the more wiggly it gets.  And time isn’t even a gift.  It’s on loan.  I don’t get to claim it in the end.  My time doesn’t even belong to my kids, or my friends or my family or my employer.  My time is on loan from God.  Someday, He will take it back, and I will stand accountable for my return on investment.  (Matthew 25:14-30).
My mind boggles as trying to fit the concept of a God outside of time into my time oriented brain.  All I know is time.  We’re early (rather, we might be. someday.  someday.) – we’re late – we’re out of time – we’re wasting time – and lately, I have to take the time to _____________.  Your blanks might be different from mine, but they can create the same sense of  urgency,pressure, sometimes even in despair or desperation.
So if time isn’t something I have, can make, stop,speed up,hold,get more of or take, why does it control me so much?
Go with me here.  Where I grew up, we had water parks.  In those parks were these places called the Lazy River.  These are pretty neat things, because all you had to do was get in them, and float.  It took you along.  Sometimes, it was slow, and other times it moved you pretty fast.  At times, it pushed you into a group of other people, and others, you were more spread out.  You could lay in it, sit in it, talk to a friend, drink a soda, even read a book.  (The mom thing.  I didn’t get it when I was younger.  Now, I would SO bring a book).
Thing was, you COULD walk against the current.  You COULD walk with the current, and speed it up.  But both of those were HARD.  Either way you got pushed at or pulled at by the “natural” current and other people, and had to fight to keep your balance.  I am seeing time as a lazy river.  It is so much better to be in it, enjoying it, and taking it as it comes.  I am finding that going with the day, instead of wrestling with it, fighting it, trying to make it in my image, instead of trusting God to make it in His, generally gives me more time.  I can address the needs of now, being totally present.  I am less likely to have to go back and apologize or fix or alter what I did, because I was more mindful of what I was doing, while I was doing it.
And more, when I am open to God “interrupting” my day, He brings the best people and times to my world.  Often, that is the way it is, though.  My way is okay, and God’s way is amazing. Can I do it?  Can I ride the flow, use the minute, fill it full and then release it back? I hope so.  Deliberate living, in this time and place, every day.  I hope so.